I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
