Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
