entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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