This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
