All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
