I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
