just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
