WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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