What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
