I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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