cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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