Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
