Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
