just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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