apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
