I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
