he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
