Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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