hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
