I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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