tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
