Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
