Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
