last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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