and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
