I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
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She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
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I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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