Small penises have feelings too.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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