he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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