We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
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How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
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I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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