i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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