The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
