how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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