I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
