Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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