let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
