***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Farmville is her only friend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's shark week go big or go home
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
