That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
