I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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