Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
