He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
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