For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
