Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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