Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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