you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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