I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
