I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
