Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
