apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
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He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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