We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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