she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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