Umm I'm too high to move.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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