I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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