nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
