I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
