Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
