we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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