I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
