Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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