Yo dont text me then not text me
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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