i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
