I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
