the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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