fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
