return my video game
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
