wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
