Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
