I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
