just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I made him laugh his dick is mine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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