Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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