So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
