exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
